Do you:
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be involved in a relationship that is physically, emotionally or sexually abusive.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
Safety planning for someone involved in an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step. Planning can be used while you are still with your abuser, or after the relationship has ended. While still in an abusive relationship, your safety within your home is of primary importance.
First, memorize safe numbers including the police, family, or a local domestic violence agency. If possible, obtain a cell phone to keep with you at all times.
Your safety plan should recognize dangerous areas within your home, including the kitchen or the garage where weapons are available, or the bathroom and other small places where one might be trapped. If possible, get to a room with a phone or a way to escape. If your friends or neighbors are aware of the situation set up signals or code words either by phone or alternative method that informs them that the situation is violent at home.
If you are planning on leaving your home, place an extra set of keys outside or in a hiding space and give extra copies of pertinent documents to someone you trust or placed in a hiding place.
After you leave, change your locks as well as add window locks and sensor lighting. You may also want to ask co-workers or neighbors to notify the police if the abuser is seen.
If there are children involved in the situation, the school should be notified of possible threats or and the current custody situation. Make sure the school knows who the children can be released to and to not give out any information.
Vary your route to work and change passwords on bank and e-mail accounts. Keep the restraining order or order of protections paperwork with you at all times, as well as a diary or journal with harassing e-mails or voice mails, violations of orders and actual attempts at contact recorded.
The following are online resources, chat rooms, support groups, and message boards that may be helpful to you.
The Internet offers a unique opportunity for victims of domestic violence to find support, and share their stories. In the chat room sections of most Internet providers there are specific chat rooms for women, and often designated for divorce, separation or child custody issues. These include www.ivillage.com and www.oprah.com. In these chat rooms, and message boards there is sharing of stories, safety tips, and suggestions on how to survive in an abusive environment. As a warning please be aware of on-line safety. Do not share personal data, use a gender-neutral code name, and notify the Internet provider of possible harassment occurring in these rooms. Also, there are web sites run by individuals that offer chat rooms, and on going message boards where sharing also occurs. By using any search engine you can find many web sites devoted to domestic violence. The quality and intent of these web sites need to be determined by you, but there is a place of support on-line for those who are looking.
Physicians and Plastic Surgeons Helping Victims/Survivors of Domestic Violence
Victims of domestic violence can get help rebuilding their appearance and self-esteem through programs like Face-To-Face, which provides consultation and surgery to survivors who have suffered injuries to the face, head or neck; Give Back a Smile, which works to restore the smiles of victims who have suffered damage to or lost their front teeth because of abuse; and S.C.O.R.E.S., which attempts to erase injuries to the skin (scars, tattoos, burns) to their face and torso as a result of abuse.
Each program is part of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) Cosmetic and Reconstructive Support Program. NCADV administers the initial screening all applicants must go through to determine eligibility. Once an applicant passes the initial screening, a referral is made to a local domestic violence shelter to set up an appointment with a counselor. The counselor then verifies that the injuries were sustained from an abusive relationship and ensures that the participant is receiving the proper counseling to overcome emotional scars. Each programs requires applicants to be out of the abusive relationship for at least a year.
To find out more about how these programs can help rebuild the lives of victims of domestic violence in your area, please call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence at 303/839-1852 or check out the website at www.ncadv.org <http://www.ncadv.org>.
Face-To-Face
Face-To-Face is a project of the Educational and Research Foundation for the Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFRS). Face To Face provides facial, neck and head reconstructive and plastic surgery to repair injuries caused by an intimate partner or spouse. For more information, please call 1-800-842-4546.
Give Back A Smile/1-800-773-GBAS (4227)
Give Back A Smile is a program of the National Humanitarian Project of the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry and the AACD Charitable Foundation. Survivors of domestic violence who have suffered injuries to their front teeth and/or supporting structures of the front teeth can receive complimentary construction and cosmetic and reconstructive dental care. For more information, please call 1-800-773-GBAS (4227).
Skin Care Outreach Empowers Survivors (SCORES)/1-888-892-6702
S.C.O.R.E.S. is a program of the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery (ASDS). The program offers dermatologic surgery to domestic violence survivors to repair skin injuries (scars, burns, tattoos) on the body caused by an intimate partner or spouse. For more information, please call 1-888-892-6702.